COLUMN: Father & Son Review Co. – Lightning Round ’15

“The most wonderful time of the year” can kiss my ass.

No, the holidays are fine; I’m talking Album Of The Year list season. On one hand, it’s a phenomenal way to discover new music, celebrate the albums that impacted our scene/society at large, and champion the “little artists” that flew just under people’s radars.

On the other hand, AOTY lists are the oldest facilitators of elitism, circle jerks, and metric arguments for music nerds and critics alike. Considering half the joy of keeping up with music each year is discovering albums from years and decades past, the traditional AOTY list inspires all the narrowly focused competition I sought to avoid when I quit youth soccer.*

While I highly enjoy and recommend checking out Allston Pudding’s collective favorite songs/EPs/albums of 2015 lists, I felt it was best to take some of my other favorite albums of the year to my father for the ultimate approval or denial. Although we did cover the likes of Kendrick, Sufjan, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Titus Andronicus, and Four Tet, we couldn’t fit everything on our nor AP’s list, so this week’s Father & Son serves as a lightning round to cover our bases. Like a reverse version of The Voice, if Dad didn’t dig the song at any point, he hit the pause button and turned his chair (although spinning around in a chair doesn’t really have the same effect as on The Voice, but you get what I mean)

*I was not only put on the Bad News Bears team of my town’s soccer league, but most of my teammates were six year olds, meaning I wasn’t even good enough to be a seven year old loser.

#15 – Lightning Round of 2015

Song #1: White Reaper’s “Pills”

Dad: [stops at 2:50]

Tim: Okay, we pretty much got through that song. You like it or…?

Dad: I liked it, but I got the idea of it by that point. I always like songs that have that “duk-duk-duk-duk” guitar, you know, like early U2. It’s that hard, uh, fast beat that I like too.

Tim: And you said towards the beginning of the song it reminded you of the ‘80s? Who specifically?

Dad: Very ‘80s. Oh man, that’s a good question. Very Kim Wilde; she had a few songs like that.

Tim: Good start to the lightning round then?

Dad: Yes, I approve! I like this song!

Song #2: Chastity Belt’s “Cool Slut”

Dad: [stops at 1:07]

Tim: Oh boy, we barely scraped a minute into it. You said “kinda lame” before the pause; explain that.

Dad: There wasn’t much to it. It was kind of a ‘blah’ song, like kinda vanilla. I wasn’t toe-tapping, I was just kinda… ehh.

Tim: Just not much there then. Alright, we’ll keep moving. Sorry, Chastity Belt. Gotta give them credit for having the best song title of 2015 though, right?

Dad: [laughs] That’s something.

Song #3: Toro Y Moi’s “Empty Nesters”

Dad: [plays the full song] What’s this called? Tolo E… what?

Tim: ‘Toro Y Moi’. First part is Spanish for “bull”, second part is French for “and I”, I believe. Overall though, this one’s a keeper?

Dad: Yep, very ‘70s, but I like it. I liked that chorus. It did have a bit of sampling of different genres. It’s got a bit of your funk in there.

Tim: [laughs] As a very white dude, I don’t think I could ever claim funk as mine, although I do love it. Who did it remind you of from the ‘70s?

Dad: Ooh, I don’t know. It’s, like, very late ‘60s too. We just mentioned The Mamas and The Papas last week, but them and, like, The Turtles. A little before my time, but still good.

Song #4: Neon Indian’s “Annie”

Dad: [stops at 1:34]

Tim: So why the early stop?

Dad: It’s a good song, it’s just not my style. I thought it was professionally done, a good production. Sounds like No Doubt with a little hip-hop-ish influence, a little reggae! It’s, like, funkadelic. Is that a term?

Tim: That’s a band.

Dad: Oh, is it?

Tim: Oh c’mon, Dad, they’re from your time.

Dad: I dunno, it’s your funk. [laughs]

Song #5: Grimes’s “Flesh Without Blood”

Dad: [watching at 0:03 in] Woah… this is, uh, this looks like that Constantine movie.

Dad: [watching at 0:15 in] What is “flesh without blood” exactly? Now it looks like a scary Victoria’s Secret commercial with the wings.

Dad: [watching at 0:24 in] Uh, is this like a soft porn setup? I don’t know if I want you to print that.

Tim: I might have to. I’m not even sure how to respond to any of that.

Dad: [watches full video] Wow, this is great! I love her voice!

Tim: Really?! I’m glad! She’s got a different voice and usually you’re not about that.

Dad: I dunno, I liked it. Good pop song, good melody. I think this was the best one so far.

Song #6: Alex G’s “Bug”

Dad: [stops frantically at 1:22, i.e. the makeout scene] Stop stop stop stop. Alex… G? Hmm.

Tim: I like that the two people making out is what tipped you here.

Dad: Can you, like, minimize the screen?

Tim: Okay. So yeah, you had a bit of feedback during the song: “guy sounds like he can’t play guitar”, right?

Dad: Yeah. Sounds like he only has a few chords he can play.

Tim: Why did you stick with it then?

Dad: I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt and hear the chorus. You know, maybe the chorus had redeeming values… but it didn’t.

Tim: [laughs] When would you have stopped if you were a less forgiving man?

Dad: I dunno, when he was pissing. The song was just a guy going “blimb-blimb-blimb-blimb” on his guitar, not a “beach driving” song at all…

Tim: How would you like me to spell “blimb”? B-L-I-M-B?

Dad: Just say whatever the technical term for “blimbing” is, jeez.

Song #7: Joanna Newsom’s “Sapokanikan”

Dad: [Stops at 1:30] I’m not a fan.

Tim: That is three times the length in which I thought you’d listen to that.

Dad: I guess I’m very patient tonight… I’m learning patience in my old age, you know. It started out pretty good, like a quirky Broadway song. As I got into it, it got repetitive and her voice was just too quirky and weird on the high notes.

Tim: She’s got a very different voice, it turns a lot of people off from her stuff. I didn’t really get into her music until this album to be honest.

Dad: So she’s had, like, a career?

Tim: Oh yeah, she plays huge theaters. Like, she played the same venue I saw Sufjan Stevens in earlier this year.

Dad: Ah, good ol’ Soufflé.

Song #8: Courtney Barnett’s “Depreston”

Dad: [Stops at 2:20] Her voice is a little ehh… but I like this song. Very chillacious, err, I mean… uh, chillax?

Tim: Wait, chillacious? Have we finally invented a word?

Dad: You know what I meant.

Tim: You’re giving me the “don’t post this part” look, but I’m going to post it anyway. Thank you, Courtney Barnett, for making “chillacious” happen.

Song #9: Trust Fund’s “Cut Me Out”

Dad: [stops at 0:33]

Tim: Alright, that is, by far, the quickest you’ve told me to stop.

Dad: Ayy-yeesh. I just did not like that.

Tim: Was it the voice? I remember his voice took a little while to grow on me.

Dad: The voice, the lack of melody I could hear, it was just… I could’ve picked it up and done that, I think.

Tim: Jeez, I dunno. I think there’s a beauty to some of the simplicities you might be picking up. I feel like they make really catchy, but not traditionally accessible songs while being super relatable or whatever. And they put out two really good LPs this year, which is crazy.

Dad: Hmmf, I dunno. I just didn’t like it.

Tim: Did you like the dogs at least?

Dad: [laughs] That microphone bit was a little funny. Unique.

Song #10: Hop Along’s “Sister Cities”

Dad: [stops at 2:20] Ahh, Hopalong Cassidy.

Tim: What’s Hopalong Cassidy?

Dad: You don’t know him? Oh my god.

Tim: Teach me, Father. I am young, remember?

Dad: Ugh, look him up. But yeah, this is very Bob Seger and I like the song, but, uh… I don’t know if I wanna say it.

Tim: Speak freely.

Dad: I wish she had a stronger voice. The song could be a really good song in my book, maybe even a hit, but I just wasn’t liking her voice.

Tim: I know we sometimes play up the whole “Dad doesn’t understand” bit each week, but I’m actually really glad you said that. Admittedly, I couldn’t latch onto Hop Along’s first album for a long while because of Frances’s voice. I kept trying because I couldn’t put my finger on why it was so compelling despite that and I eventually found it in their lyrics. Eventually, I got used to her voice as this modern day Janis Joplin-type rasp and this second LP is just filled with some of their best songs yet, so I get where you’re coming from… for once. Definitely a grower.

Dad: It grew on you, eh? I dunno. I can definitely hear the Janis comparison, but based on those two minutes…

Tim: You made it a lot further than I expected given your love of traditional pop vocals.

Dad: Well, the band sounds tight. It sounds like a Bob Seger song on my running playlist on my iPod. I like the song, but… I dunno, the voice might be a grower.

Tim: Well hey, you made it to the end of the lightning round!

Dad: Woohoo!

Tim: Which one was your favorite of the bunch?

Dad: Uh, I really liked that Grimes one most. Maybe that Toro one second.

Tim: And the rest were terrible?

Dad: No! It wasn’t as bad as I thought; I thought you were going to give me all duds.

Tim: Oh, just wait for 2016. We’re gonna get weirder, I promise.

Dad: Oh God, help me…