For many years, the sound of a synthesizer was synonymous with ears bleeding.

I’m talking the actual fear of blood dripping from my punctured eardrums, not some snarky comment about ‘80s music.

It happened almost every road trip we went on. My dad would sift through cassettes, CDs, and iPod playlists depending on the year until the opening strains of Van Halen’s “Jump” made it through the speakers. The volume knob would get turned to rear-view-mirror-shaking levels, followed by a piercing shriek from my normally moderate father (who was still a few octaves below David Lee Roth’s impossibly high yelp). My mother would roll her eyes, my brother would cover his ears, and, for four minutes and two seconds, my father would ascend to immortality.

Van Halen, for many born in the wake of the late Baby Boomers/early Gen X’ers, occupies one constellation in the excessively explosive galaxy that was “hair metal”, but “Jump” remains my father’s definition of “the perfect song” for all other songs and genres to bow to. As far as my younger mind could understand, “Jump” was a time machine and instant party combo pack if you wanted it to be. For my dad, it was his standby that never got old or tired in a world that was constantly renovating itself. In honor of music adoration and (somehow) making it ten songs deep for this column, this week’s conversation asks what made “Jump” the one song that brought my father to euphoria and supplied the need to irrevocably damage his sons’ eardrums for years to come.

#10 – Van Halen’s “Jump”

Dad: [laughs] Ah, man! Look at them! Splits and flying through the air… Wow.

Tim: Hey, it’s your favorite band, not mine. 

Dad: He’s so full of himself, David Lee Roth. And they’re just playing on a stage alone. There’s nobody there.

Tim: You have to admire the effort he’s putting in for the camera crew though. Look at that kit!

Dad: [begins air drumming on laptop] He’s got a ton of drums, huh? But who’s playing the synthesizer? I’ve always wondered that.

Tim: [laughs] Major production goof right there.

Dad: It’s a secret man off stage, I guess. And [David Lee Roth] changed costumes!

Tim: Oh my god, how’d he do that? It’s the secret synth player off stage giving him new clothes.

Dad: And he did it again! He changed back! He did karate; that’s why he was so limber with his moves.

Tim: Oh, no kidding.

Dad: Yeah, he was such a clown. And Eddie Van Halen actually started out as drummer, but he didn’t like it, so he switched to guitars and his brother took his place. He was always so smiley and happy-go-lucky, always having a blast doing what he’s doing.

Tim: I don’t blame him with how much money they made. Oh wait, there’s the synth! Eddie’s playing the synth!

Dad: Oh yeah! And there’s another costume for David. That’s three now. I can never get sick of this song.

Tim: Let’s talk about that! What is it about “Jump” that gets you?

Dad: It just resonates with me. And the song’s about nothing. It’s not a deep song at all.

Tim: Well, besides jumping or something. Give me the history of that song for you then. Like, it came out in, what, 1984?

Dad: I think so. I can’t remember the first time I heard, but I remember it made it real big. Before then, “Dance The Night Away” was their biggest hit and they had a lot of hits on regular radio, but this one was just everywhere. It’s just a happy song; it made me happy. But 1984… that was my first year out of school working. Oh, and I got married!

Tim: Oh yeah, that’s kind of a big deal! Was that on the wedding playlist?

Dad: I don’t know! I’ll have to check that. “Love Shack” by The B-52’s was in there somewhere. I have “Jump” on my iPod though, on my exercise playlist. Like, you don’t just want to sit and tap your feet to this song. I wanna go for a jog or lift weights when it’s on. I wanna do something! When I ran a 5K, I had it on right at the end so I’d be approximately within a mile of finishing. Or like three minutes within finishing, I dunno.

Tim: [laughs] I’ve heard you say before that this is ‘the perfect song’ though. Can you pinpoint what makes this perfect exactly? Is it the happy-go-luckiness?

Dad: It’s just between the synthesizer and the guitar solo… man, it’s just a great song. The happy-go-luckiness is more in the video. I forgot the video actually. David Lee Roth was so campy, he’s like a vaudeville act with his costumes.

Tim: Yeah. I notice between him and, like, other ‘80s hair metal bands that they dressed very femininely, but there was also a very theatric, vaudeville-y quality thrown in like you said. Like, everything David wore had fishnets and sequins involved.

Dad: Yeah, with the long hair and tattered jeans. That was just the time. A lot of leather… those gloves! And the wristbands!

Tim: Was that your look? 

Dad: No, no, never. But the song, at the core, is so uplifting. And it’s funny because there’s songs that are like, “oh my god, this is such a great song,” but after about a month, it’s like, “ehh, I’m kinda sick of that song.” I cannot get sick of “Jump”.

Tim: What brings you back to it again and again after all these years?

Dad: I don’t care who you are, everyone has “their song”. My father had “My Way” by Frank Sinatra. When “My Way” came on, my father just perked right up. He sang with it… it was his. I mean, do you have a song yet? I mean, there’s a lot of good slow songs; one of my favorites is “True” by Spandau Ballet, but “Jump” has a good melody, good guitar, and it’s a driving song. It’s my song. That’s why it’s going to be played at my funeral. [laughs]

Tim: Oh man, that’s gonna be weird. I don’t know if anyone could give a meaningful eulogy and follow it with, “And now, here’s ‘Jump’ by Van Halen.”  

Dad: Yep, and everyone must jump. The priest won’t be sure what to do, but that’s okay. He’ll start tapping his toes, no doubt about it.