PALEHOUND

Under the Podium: My Date With Hillary Clinton

My phone buzzes just as I finish applying my dark lipstick, it’s Hillary. “I’m outside.” it reads. I look out of my window and see her Ford pickup truck idling in the driveway, I can faintly hear “Come to My Window” by Melissa Etheridge seeping out of the cracked window along with the ribbon of smoke from her cigarette.

I lock the door behind me and walk up to the passenger side. Before getting in, I tap on the window and remind her that I’m allergic to cigarette smoke. She looks embarrassed, and immediately puts it out, apologizing and explaining that she had a long day at the office and is pretty stressed out. She pauses, looks into my eyes, and says “It’s all okay now that I’m with you though. What would you like to do tonight?” I tell her that the local indie theater is showing the cult classic But I’m A Cheerleader (starring Natasha Lyonne and Ru Paul) at midnight. “I love that movie!” she exclaims, “We have a few hours to kill until then, what do you wanna do?” I can tell she’s still a little stressed out so I suggest that we pick up some beers and go drink them on the swingset behind the elementary school.

We stop by the package store and pick up a six pack of Blue Moons. The elementary school playground is a short distance away so we decide to walk to avoid drawing attention to ourselves at the school late at night. When we get to the school we walk through a muddy field soiled with goose poop. “Good thing I wore my Doc Martens today!” Hillary laughs, I’m jealous because I’m wearing my Mary Janes and they’re getting trashed.

We sit on the swings and Hillary lets out a long sigh as she tilts back, gripping the chains and swinging flat, her body parallel to the ground. “This election is fucking killing me” she says, staring up at the sky, “I mean, if anybody knew I was with you right now I’d be dead. Bill knows, he’s known for a while that this is how I am and he’s okay with it but he’s worried about the press finding out.” I reassure her that I haven’t told anyone and seriously doubt anybody will think that especially considering that she notoriously opposed gay marriage a few years back. She looks at me, her eyes wide and sad, “I’m sorry Ellen, I really hope that doesn’t freak you out. I just did that so people wouldn’t suspect that I’m actually gay. It’s hard enough being a woman but a gay woman in politics?? Forget it.”

I wanna change the subject and cheer her up so I swing really high and then jump off into the field. I look back and she smiles and does the same, landing right next to me. We lay in the grass staring up at the stars and the smog in silence. It only felt like 5 minutes but the next thing I know, Hillary checks her watch and exclaims “We’re gonna be late to the movie!”

We rush to the theater. Once we get there I grab the tickets and our seats while Hillary gets the snacks. “What do you want?” she asks. I tell her to surprise me. She joins me in the theater a few minutes into the previews. “What’d you get?” I ask. “Close your eyes and open your mouth”, she responds. I do. I feel her slip a Milk Dud into my mouth, my favorite, she remembered. I open my eyes and smile at her just as the lights go down in the theater and the movie starts. — Ellen Kempner