The year was 2005. I had just overcome my fixation with overalls and took up a new, illness soon-to-be regretful fascination with argyle sweater vests. I was a mess. Though it was during this period in my life, ailment fresh from the eggshells of my quaint youth, try when I first fell in love – deeply and ever so recklessly. It wasn’t with a person. It wasn’t even with a place, a hobby, or an irreplaceable possession. I fell in love with the sensation of feeling something I’d never felt before through music. In the wake of Tegan and Sara’s fourth record, So Jealous, I could feel my life begin to change.
In many ways, So Jealous was the anthem to my transition from adolescence to teendom. The record boasts a pristine mixture of sweet and sour, an air of unrequited contentment sung with an exhausted sort of passion. These droned-out melodies were cathartic, and for the first time in my life, I could feel the power of words resonate against my body and dig deep into my skin. I’d sing these songs – these broken words – over, and over, and over again. Sentiments like “Where do you go with your broken heart in tow// What do you do with the left over you” carried an emotional urgency, a sense of disrupted honesty that was unlike anything I’d extracted through music. I dreamt about the follies of my youth, my aspiration to live an aimless life, and trying to find my place in this world. I praised Tegan and Sara as innovators of their own art, and this impression was only heightened when I later saw The Con’s companion DVD. This DVD is a big deal to any Tegan and Sara fan. There were no boundaries established, no misguided views – no frills. The Con DVD not only won over my heart for their penetrative charisma, but it also allowed me to live inside each song and understand where their breed of heartbreak is sung from. To me, these songs were a manifestation of the beautiful and muddled human condition.
Fast-forward seven years. I’ve somehow found myself in a position that every fan has spent countless hours daydreaming about. In light of their latest record, Heartthrob, Tegan and Sara stopped by Allston’s Brighton Music Hall for an evening filled with music, fan questions, and confessional banter. While this may have been a regular occurrence early in their career, it’s a rare sight to see Tegan and Sara perform in a venue as small as Brighton Music Hall, where maybe only 200 or so fans were lucky enough to attend. I can’t even begin to describe this experience, the verve of resonance among the crowd, the nostalgic ambiance of my youth. But perhaps the most remarkable piece of this experience was not only seeing Tegan and Sara perform in such an intimate space, but also meeting strangers who rode on this equally sensational wave of devotion. I remember talking to a girl after the show, cheerfully lamenting on what we had both just witnessed. We ended up eating pizza next door to the venue while exchanging our more meaningful life stories, and how Tegan and Sara somehow played into them. In retrospect, I don’t think I could have expressed such aspects of my past with any other stranger.
There’s something to be said about the magnifying power that music has on our life, and to meet somebody who grew up with a similar affection to the sounds of my childhood is a treasured encounter. So often we are convinced that our experiences are unique – that nobody could possibly have the capacity to feel the things we’ve felt with a cutting precision. I’ve learned, however, that this connection we make with music allows us to strip even our most ingrained emotions down to their very basic, human form. As we finally parted ways, it struck me that I didn’t even ask for this stranger’s name; I’m certain I’ll never see her again. She was a stranger, after all. Though what’s to be taken from this incident is the simple relief that there are many people in this world that have lived inside even our most solitary feelings.
If you’ve ever loved a band as much as I love Tegan and Sara, do whatever it takes to live out an intimacy like mine. Cry yours eyes out, smile till your jaw hurts, and talk to strangers. Feel everything this band has ever brought out in you, and make sure to relive it all over again. For seven years now, all I wanted to get was a little bit closer and Tegan and Sara let me do just that.
Photo Credit: Christine Varriale