I’ve seen a fair amount of writers on this very blog and elsewhere try to capture Ben Katzman’s essence, but I think I might have it pinpointed: he is a figment of our imaginations.

On a very basic level, I made a promise to myself, many moons ago, that I would never trust a human that uses “mad hard” or “chill” as common vernacular. And, for the most part, I’ve kept that promise excluding him and anyone on his BUFU Records roster. Beyond my petty slang disagreement, if you told me just a few years ago that one of Boston’s most enthralling live acts would be a Van Halen-obsessed, guitar shredding master of garage rock reared by the Ramones, I would politely shrug and leave the crustier kids in Allston to swarm it.

Except wait, no, I wouldn’t because I’d be too busy pogoing by the first chorus. Even in the wake of Katzman’s move from Boston this year, he has cultivated a respected scene through BUFU, a kitschy and absolutely shredding band out of Degreaser in the last, and a list of slang that mystifies with its likability. I still have no idea what ‘dzeam’ is, but I’m pretty sure Ben is a dzeamweaver and his persona has almost ascended to cartoonish lore, which makes me wonder if he was even real in the first place. Now that he calls New York his new backyard, we might never know the truth, but we still have Rok N Rol Community College, cheap beer, and the ability to chill mad hard in his memory.

This week, I try to convert my Dad to the mustached ways of Katzman with “Record Store Babe” off Degreaser’s upcoming full length, Virgo in Pisces. Note: he had a long day at the office, so slight exhaustion played into some of his answers.

#12 – Record Store Babe by Ben Katzman’s Degreaser

Tim: Alright, do you want to talk about the song?

Dad: Not really.

Tim: [laughs] …uh, okay. What went wrong?

Dad: [singing off key] Record store bay-ay-ay! Record store bay-bay-babe!

T: It’s catchy!

D: I must admit, I must have narrow musical boundaries because you said this was like Van Halen and I was really looking forward to it. I was waiting for the rebirth of Van Halen and it wasn’t Van Halen-ish at all! It was more like The Ramones or this other group called The Clash.

T: Yeah, I think both of those are valid comparisons. You’re not a fan of either?

D: No, I wasn’t into… uh, what do you call it? Punk?

T: [laughs] Yeah, you would call that punk, Dad. They’re, like, the forefathers of punk.

D: I dunno! That’s why I’m asking!

T: But [Ben Katzman] is a pretty quality guitar shredder though, you have to admit.

D: Absolutely. He knows how to play the guitar, but I even listened to the other one you sent me, the Virgo in a shirt one…

T: “Virgo Babe in a Maiden Shirt”, you mean?

D: Yeah… yeah. That. To be fair, I did listen to it when I was tired and it’s not the type of music you listen to when you’re about to call it a day. It’s like what you play to get pumped up before you go out to party.

T: It’s definitely “get drunk” music.

D: Very simple song structure too. It was like over and over, “record store bay-bay-babe”, record store bay-bay-babe!” Enough! But then again, it was only, like, a minute long too! What happened? I guess he decided singing “record store babe” twenty two times was enough, huh?

T: [laughs] I dunno, I think he could’ve mustered at least one more minute of “babes.”

D: [laughs] So the story is he has the hots for the record store babe, but she completely ignored him?

T: Yeah, I think that’s his eternal quest. But personally, I’d never go after a girl working at my favorite record store. Like, even if you go on one bad date, you can never go back to there! Awkwardness would prevail thereafter. I have no idea what his game is going into this.

D: Too funny. I just feel like I have to have long hair and bob my head to [relate]. Like, uh, what’s the Ramones singer’s name? Johnny Ramone? Or Joey?

T: Come on, Dad… you’re kidding me, right? They were all named Ramone.

D: Well yeah, they were all brothers.

T: [laughs] No, they were fake brothers. Ramone was their stage name. They aren’t related at all.

D: Ohhh, brothers of different mothers! It’s just not my genre, you know? The kind of music where you’re headbobbing and cloudsurfing…

T: Oh my god, Dad. Crowd surfing?

D: I meant that, I swear. Oh man, Tim, I’m too tired for this music. We were just talking about the Cloud today, that’s why I said it. You know, the place where all your data goes?

T: Yeah, I am familiar with the Cloud. Do you trust it?

D: Do I trust the Cloud? No. Eventually, the cloud comes back to Earth and to wherever that place is. If they have shitty security and it all leaks… no, I don’t trust it.

T: Yeah, there’s a lot of distrust in the Cloud. A lot of people reverting back to old technology because of it, back to analog if you will. That’s why bands like Degreaser are coming back!

D: Yeah, it was kinda throwback, wasn’t it? I kept looking at him and thinking, ‘man, that is a cheesy mustache.’ You have to admit, that was a goofy fake mustache.

T: I saw him live a few weeks ago and can confirm the ‘stache is very real.

D: Oh. Is it? He must be awful proud.

T: Any last thoughts or bits of advice from one Van Halen fan to another?

D: I mean, he probably has a core group of fans and I don’t want to comment too much if I don’t quite get it, but I guess expand on your lyrics a bit beyond “record store babe” twenty two times. Oh, and try to make a three minute song! But yeah, if you’re at a bar, having a hard time at your job, and you got a few PBRs in you, I bet yelling ‘I want my record store bay-ay-aybe!’ wouldn’t be too bad!

T: I think my advice is that you should audition to be their backup singer.

D: [laughs] Maybe! I could be a fake brother from another mother!

Ben Katzman’s Degreaser will be playing Great Scott for their LP release show on 11/8 with Mannequin Pussy and Puppy Problems. For more information and confirmation that Ben Katzman’s mustache is very real, check the Facebook page here.