10 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR PROFILE PIC MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE IN A BAND

Vans are what bands tour in when they travel under the radar of mainstream people, and by taking a picture in front of a van, you are implying that you have put in those hard hours burning gas on the Midwestern plains, eating only fast food and granola bars, not showering, and soaking in the culture of the simpler folk. (Bonus points for taking pictures in front of signs in the Midwest that appear primitive and humorous to cityfolk)

SOUTH BY SOUTHWORST

It’s thursday in the real world, but in Austin, this week is just getting started. Many of you are probably having some serious FOMO, and telling all of your friends, “Yeah, I was totally going to go to South by this year…but then I didn’t.” Well, cheer up you saps. Because in a nutshell, SXSW is awful. The video above gives a pretty accurate description of the SXSW stereotype, but here’s but a handful of other reasons why…

WHAT REAL TEXANS DO DURING SXSW

Well folks, it’s Rodeo time over in Houston, Texas. And while my family and friends are down south enjoying the sunshine, world-class BBQ, fried everything, and an excuse to be drunk and wear cowboy boots every night of the week for the next month, I find myself on my last Ricola, hibernating during the third snowstorm to hit Boston in that last two weeks. I keep coughing, my focus on studying for my upcoming exam is beginning to wane, and this ”happy” lamp is never going to be as satisfying as the sun’s rays, I don’t care what they say…

SXSW 2013: BANDS TO WATCH

Another year, another SXSW that I will not be attending, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some gnarly bands poised to break out this year. Let’s get real, it’s pretty impossible to preview this festival because you could stumble into any old watering hole and chances are there will be a band playing that’s worth seeing, but here are a few selections in case you’re having some trouble making up your mind..

RE: AN OPEN LETTER TO BANANA PHONETIC

Thank you guys so much for writing about us today! I’m so goddamn flattered, I’m blushing. Nobody has ever written anything so kind about us. Ever. That said, I just want you to know that we’re in the process of tracking a new full-length and probably a digital EP as well, and the band is not over yet…

AN OPEN LETTER TO BANANA PHONETIC

I’m getting the impression that this is the beginning of the end. Last Friday at Precinct seemed like Banana Phonetic’s Last Waltz, so to speak, even if it wasn’t. The crowd certainly acted like it, fairly worshipping you throughout with song-alongs and celebratory cheers with tall boys, as you played through your entire repertoire.

HUMPDAY HUNXXX (JONAH FURMAN)

Now that February is over, and the Valentine’s Day flowers my roommates got are long dead (in the trash or pressed in some stupid book idk what they do with their lives), it’s time to move on and get your spring fever rising with the new Humpday Hunxxx! This time around, we’re gonna get ya shamrock shakin for the seductive singer of Krill, Jonah Furman.

TOTAL NUGGETS WITH FRONTIER RUCKUS

Last time, I didn’t buy the record. A bandmate and I were salivating over a psych-folk vinyl when we mistakenly let it slide back into its milk crate. This time, I made the trip solo and left the store with a Malaysian pop comp from the ‘60s: a relatively tame selection. Relatively tame because Weirdo Records of Cambridge, Mass. is an odder, rarer shop than even the records it carries; it is the mind-blowing inverse of f.y.e…