CW: sexual assault, harassment

Several weeks ago, we had a deep discussion amongst our staff about how to discuss an aching reality within our Boston music scene: many of us do not feel safe anymore at shows.

While the words of survivors have empowered our scene to trade closeted fear for undeniable bravery in pointing out musicians, bands, and venues that allow sexual assault and harassment to go unchecked, we’ve received countless messages from fellow writers, friends, and acquaintances fearful of going to shows in the future.

This fear is, of course, justifiable. It’s the same fear that pervades so much of our daily and nightly routines in this city, but local shows as we know them were supposed to be the exception, the respite from the standard (i.e. sketchy) nightlife of Allston. Allston Pudding started five years ago amongst a few music fans as a source for finding local musicians and bands, but we continually recognize the platform we have here, however big or small it may seem, must be used for far more than praise when it’s due.

We decided in that conversation weeks ago that we must appropriately report for the safety of show goers and, if possible, improve on our scene however we can. Before we go into the interview, we would like to clarify a few things: we do not want this to appear as a “one-time-only post” or something to be picked up again only if tragedy strikes.

Improvement inherently takes continued nurturing and, as much as we hope to continue this nurturing at all of the shows we cover or put on, we hope our readers will freely talk with us when we can improve ourselves and our coverage. We extended this conclusion to Stephanie Trilling, the director of community awareness and prevention at the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, and the interview below resulted. We hope, above labeling this a “PSA” or “preaching”, that this arrives as genuine conversation and a mutual showing of commitment that both Allston Pudding and BARCC see to it that the pervasive fear in our scene can be settled altogether.

AP: Hi Stephanie! Could you explain your title at BARCC a little and what your day-to-day responsibilities are?

Stephanie Trilling: As the director of community awareness and prevention, I oversee all of BARCC’s outreach, education, and prevention work with the numerous and diverse communities we serve. Last year, BARCC provided 166 workshops and trainings to over 3,500 people. Most of our community outreach and education is provided by trained volunteers who are looking to give back and make a difference in their communities. Our community work is multifaceted and reaches people throughout their lifespan, including teens, parents and grandparents, teachers, health care providers, police officers, religious leaders, and schools and organizations.

AP: What are some specific achievements/events that you and BARCC are most proud of in the last year? Any involving the Boston music community?

ST: Some of my favorite workshops have been with members of the Boston music community to raise awareness of sexual violence and of BARCC as a resource. We’ve worked with event organizers to train their staff and volunteers on how to recognize sexual violence, how to intervene to prevent sexual violence, and how to respond when sexual violence has occurred. We’ve also worked with musicians who would like to spread awareness of sexual violence through their music, to raise money for BARCC by donating proceeds of their events or their record sales to BARCC, or to highlight support available to survivors by providing resource tables at shows.

Some of the things we are most proud of this year:

• The 10th Annual Walk for Change was held in April during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Over 1,300 people joined us to show their support for survivors and their commitment to ending sexual violence. Our walkers helped us raise over $200,000 and connect us to over 2,500 donors. 

• This year we presented a bystander training at the Massachusetts State House, sponsored by Senator Linda Dorcena Forry, for legislators, police officers, and community members as part the Prevention Is Possible awareness campaign. It was an awesome opportunity to get our messages heard by people with a lot of power to affect change at the state level.

AP: That’s incredible. In relation to the work you do within venues, most of the shows we try to put together are at smaller venues and arts spaces; how can we foster a more protected environment for people that feel threatened or uncomfortable in such compact spaces?

ST:  I love this question! In the moment, if someone feels uncomfortable, it’s not always clear what they can do.  Fortunately, at a show, the environment is usually made up of lots and lots of people.  No matter your role, you could be the event organizer, the owner of the space, a performer, a bartender, or an audience member; if you see someone being harassed or looking uncomfortable, you can always step in, or check in with that person afterwards to ask if they are OK and to offer support. You can say something to the person doing the harassing or, if you don’t feel comfortable with that, you can find someone else who can.  Even if you aren’t there, you can create safer environments by adding language to flyers or websites making your expectations of respect, safety, and accountability clear to anyone thinking about going to the show.

BARCC provides active bystander trainings for community members who are looking to build their skills in this area.  People will differ on how they want to intervene depending on their personality, their own feelings of safety in the situation, or their relationship to the person involved.  There’s not one right way to do it.  We use the four Ds of being an active bystander– direct, distract, delegate, and delay- as one tool to help people think of all the different ways they can contribute to creating a safer environment.

AP: Conversely, what are some tips for people that feel threatened at a show, but feel uncomfortable communicating it in a public space?

There are many reasons why someone might not feel comfortable communicating that they feel threatened at a show. They may not know who to talk to, or they may fear repercussions from the person who is threatening them. People may worry about the response they will receive from other people, that they won’t be believed or that they will be blamed due to their gender or their relationship with the person, or otherwise. They may feel embarrassed or blame themselves for what happened. 

If someone feels threatened or unsafe at a show, they should, first of all, trust their gut.  People often put the needs of others before their own comfort; however, if someone is making you feel uncomfortable, you absolutely have the right to walk away, ask for help, and assert your boundaries. It is up to the larger music community to seek education on how sexual violence occurs, how to support people who have experienced sexual violence, and to create standards that don’t condone inappropriate or threatening behaviors at shows. Communicating these standards with all members of the community so that people know what they can do and who they can go to if they feel unsafe or threatened is one way to increase people’s ability to reach out if they are feeling threatened or uncomfortable.

AP: What are some suggestions you have for members of the music community thinking of opening their houses/practice spaces for shows?

Creating safe environments starts well before you open your doors. Here are some tips for event organizers:

• Communicate guidelines or ground rules for your space to set the tone early on that inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated at the show.
• Appoint go-to people who are easily identifiable to audience or community members if there is an emergency or a situation that is making someone uncomfortable is another way to make it easier for people to reach out for support. This also sends a message to people who are looking to take advantage of others at shows that we will not tolerate that behavior here.
• Ask artists to make announcements and to use their platforms to spread messages of respect, tolerance, safety, and community.
• Partner with local organizations to provide trainings for show volunteers or staff on how to intervene if they notice inappropriate behaviors,
• Put out materials so that people know what resources are available if they would like confidential support.
  

AP: Call out culture has become an important tool for survivors’ voices to be heard, yet there’s a lot of polarized opinions surrounding it. How would you define a call out? What does an effective call out look like?

ST: I’m not sure I can speak directly to your question.  “Call outs” can take many forms and an effective call out often depends on the situation, the people involved, and the medium involved, however, these are a few things that we believe are important when talking about and reporting on sexual violence:

• Listen to and center survivors’ voices.
• For many survivors of sexual violence, privacy is very much linked to safety.  Community members and media should always respect survivors’ wishes before sharing any information.
• For communities to effectively respond to and prevent sexual violence, we must hold people accountable for their actions, which can be done in many different ways.

When sexual violence occurs within a community, people feel a range of emotions; confusion, anger, denial, guilt, distrust, fear, as well as numbness.  These feelings, while very common, can also be divisive within communities.  Some people don’t want to believe what has been said, perhaps because it is too unfathomable or scary to think that someone they know and trust is capable of harming someone else.  Others are quick to believe that harm has occurred and respond out of anger or protectiveness.  Regardless of how community members feel about an incident; everyone can do their best to listen to survivors, offer support within or outside of the community, and work to create spaces that value safety and respect.

Reaching out for support for yourself is an important part of being able to listen to and support survivors in your community.  BARCC works with communities that are dealing with the aftermath of sexual violence. Our trained clinicians and educators can facilitate group and individual debriefings with people who have been affected and who have questions about what can be done next to prevent sexual violence from happening in the future.  What we have seen through these processes is that when communities are able to come together and take care of one another as part of their response, a great deal of resilience, strength and unity come forward in the face of violence.

AP: What are some other steps that can be taken to improve the culture surrounding sexual harassment in Boston’s music scene?

ST: The Boston music scene first needs to recognize how prevalent of an experience this is for people in the community. Approximately 1 in 4 women, 1 in 6 men, and 1 in 2 trans people will experience sexual violence in their lifetime, so we know that many people in the music community have likely been impacted by violence and sexual harassment, personally or through their loved ones. Music venues and shows can be powerful opportunities to educate the community about sexual violence and the impact it has on survivors. Showing support to survivors is one way to improve the culture surrounding sexual harassment. Another way is to actively speak out against sexual harassment when you see it happening.

A common experience for people who are first becoming aware of the volume of sexual harassment and sexism in our culture is that they can’t turn on the radio or walk down the street without being confronted by sexist jokes, rape myths, or victim-blaming attitudes and beliefs. I remember the first December after I started volunteering at BARCC. I was listening to the radio and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” came on–this is a song chock full of sexual coercion and predation. She’s asking, “Hey, what’s in this drink?” and I’m thinking, “not you too, Dean Martin!” It’s a very helpless feeling. But once you become aware of how common these attitudes are, you need to find ways to speak out against these harmful messages. Anyone new coming into the music scene should be able to easily find people and messages that reinforce the idea that this community won’t tolerate sexual harassment. 

AP: What are some ways our readers can promote BARCC’s services?

ST: One easy way is to follow us on social media and like and share our posts. You can find us on Twitter at @barcc, on Instagram at @barccofficial, and on Facebook at facebook.com/barcc.org. Another way is to schedule a workshop with us. We provide free trainings and workshops on becoming active bystanders, consent, and responding to disclosures. We can also come out to events and set up resource tables. Our trained volunteers can provide crisis counseling and give information about sexual violence and about BARCC’s services. You can also partner with us to raise awareness and funding for BARCC at an upcoming show. Promoting BARCC is a great way to show your support to survivors in your community.  For more information about how to get materials or to set up a workshop e-mail engagements@barcc.org or call our office 617-492-8306.

AP: Any additional thoughts you’d like to add for our readers?

ST: Music is a powerful way to bring people together and can be used to educate people about important issues such as sexual violence and harassment as well as a way to help survivors cope with their emotions and be able to overcome painful experiences. When the scene of the violation is someone’s safe space, the way a venue or a community art space may be, it can be especially difficult for people to cope with their experiences. If anyone in the Boston music scene is dealing with the aftermath of experiences of sexual violence, you deserve to feel safe, to feel connected, and to receive support. BARCC can be a resource to you. Please call our hotline at 800-841-8371 for more information about our services and to talk to a trained crisis counselor 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.